


Wasn't Really You

by MeganRosenberg



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Female Friendship, Forgiveness, Friendship, Gen, Ghosts, Guilt, Possession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 08:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20702945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeganRosenberg/pseuds/MeganRosenberg
Summary: What was going through Abby's mind while she was possessed by Rowan's spirit? This quick single-chapter story examines her confusion, fear, and guilt as the stranger in her mind uses her hands to hurt the people she cares about most.





	Wasn't Really You

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ages ago and it's just been sitting in my computer collecting dust. It's short, sweet, and to the point, based around one single scene in the movie. It's not one of my usual novel-length masterpieces, but since I wrote it and someone out there might enjoy reading it, I'm posting it here.

xxxxxx

Abby felt like she was half-dreaming, half in some kind of a fog. She could feel her body moving away from the bathroom sink. She could see the door leading back out... but she didn't feel like she had any control of herself. Her ears were vaguely ringing, maybe popping. Her vision, though clear, felt like she was seeing things from someone else's eyes. Even the rate at which she was blinking seemed wrong. Her skin felt tingly and somehow foreign, and she felt like she was walking without telling herself to. She felt disoriented, even almost drunk... But she wasn't drunk. Was she awake? Was any of this real? She certainly didn't remember going to sleep...

Or did she? She paused in front of the door, standing and staring. She had been dreaming something... Something about glowing green goo... ectoplasm... Right? That was a dream, wasn't it? It shot out from the sink... all over her... She had felt it dripping from her ears and nose. Had that been real? She didn't recall ever actually addressing it. Didn't tell her friends about it... Didn't even make an effort to clean the green slime off of her.

She brought her hand up to her face. She didn't feel any ectoplasm there now. Her face felt normal... So that had to have been a dream...

But her vision felt like it was clouding over. Her entire brain did. She just didn't feel like she was all here. She felt like she was sleeping, but walking, sightless, but seeing... Maybe she was getting sick with something... Or maybe she really was asleep... Her hand moved back down away from her face before she told it to... She tried to raise it back up, but nothing happened.

Abby exhaled as she stared ahead at the door, which her nose was practically touching. She couldn't turn her head. Couldn't step back so that she wasn't so close to the door. She couldn't make her hand reach for the knob so she could move on with her life. She just felt kind of stuck here. What was she doing? She couldn't understand why she was standing here, why she couldn't move...

She heard voices that sounded distant, but yet they couldn't be. It sounded like Patty and Holtzmann... They sounded so far away, muffled and unreal... but they were right in the other room - right on the other side of the door she was staring at a few inches in front of her face.

Without any conscious effort to do so, Abby reached out and opened the door, coming face to face with Holtzmann, who stood very near the door herself, looking like she had been ready to knock on it. The younger woman stared at her with a hint of amusement mixed with confusion on her features.

"Hello, Jillian." Abby spoke, feeling cold fear in her heart as her voice left her mouth without her consent. She hadn't said that. Someone else did. It was her voice, but it wasn't her mind making her say it. She didn't ever call her friend by her first name.

And Holtzmann knew that. The younger woman looked even more confused as she spoke back. "Hello, Abby..." She gave Abby a weird look, but didn't step back to increase the space between them. "Are you okay?" Holtzmann wondered. Holtzy could obviously tell something was off with her friend.

Abby stared back. She wasn't sure what the answer to that question was... Maybe she wasn't okay. She felt so weird, and was certainly alarmed that her voice had spoken to Holtzmann without her brain telling it to.

She stared back at her friend, feeling a presence in her mind thinking things she would never dream of thinking. Something inside her felt anger, superiority, the desire to be cruel and violent when she looked at Holtzmann. She couldn't say why, but there was some sick satisfaction in an increasingly prominent part of her mind as she looked the other woman up and down. Holtzmann was fairly small - she'd be easy to overpower. And her guard was down. This would be the time to strike if she wanted to hurt the engineer.

Abby's heart felt like it was going to pound out of her chest as her eyes looked Holtzmann over, communicating information to a part of her brain she was very sure wasn't really hers. What was it inside her head that was making her think these things? Whatever it was, it was very focused on sinister thoughts. She felt her fingers twitching as the stranger in her mind thought about how easy it would be to reach up while Holtzmann was so close, grab her neck, squeeze and squeeze the life out of her.

"I'm quite well." Abby's voice lied in an overly calm tone as she still stood mere inches from Holtzmann's face, staring at her while evil thoughts flitted through her mind, and as Holtzmann smirked slightly, yet still had a hint of concern in her features, obviously sensing there was something not quite right here, but clearly not understanding just how much Abby wasn't currently herself.

"That's good..." Holtzmann's voice was low, and still obviously confused, but not yet scared. Abby wanted to scream, to warn Holtzmann to run before whatever dark being in Abby's head right now did something cruel... but she couldn't speak.

Instead, she walked past her friend and over toward Holtzmann's workbench, watching her hands move various odds and ends on the desk before settling on grabbing up a very sturdy-looking pipe. Abby's chest felt cold as her hands held the pipe securely and as she could hear that foreign voice in the back of her mind thinking about what to do with it. She could cause a lot of destruction with this.

"You found my pipe." Holtzmann spoke up from behind Abby as she walked across the room and leaned casually back on the table a few yards away. "I got it out of the dumpster yesterday. I'm gonna use it to make a proton shotgun. Pretty cool, right?" Holtz smirked.

Abby stared, wanting to scream out to her friends, to tell both Holtzmann and Patty to get out of here before she ended up hurting them. She couldn't say a thing though. She felt herself nodding and could feel a smile pulling at her lips as whatever being inside her mind faked its way through this social interaction. She could feel that the creature possessing her wanted to hurt Holtzmann. She could hear and feel its thoughts. It considered hitting the smaller woman with the pipe Abby presently held so firmly in her hands. She could do it. It would be easy. Hit her over the head, break her fingers if she tried to grab it... Hit her again... Hit her 'til she stopped moving.

"If it doesn't work, we can just swing it around and break stuff." Holtzmann laughed. "So it's kind of a win-win."

Abby was both relieved and heartbroken when her body and hands took the pipe toward a wall of Holtzmann's inventions. She was glad whatever was controlling her didn't choose to hit Holtz or Patty with the pipe instead, but she certainly didn't want to destroy Holtzmann's inventions either.

As she swung and swung the pipe, she heard Holtzmann's voice calling out behind her, followed by the younger woman running up and grabbing at the pipe. Before Abby knew it, she and Holtzmann were fighting over the heavy object and Patty was nervously calling out to them from a few yards away.

"Man, are y'all playing? Cause this ain't funny, man..." Patty called out, sounding rather uneasy.

Abby ignored her in favor of continuing to struggle with Holtzmann. Abby wasn't sure if she or Holtzmann was stronger on a regular day, but she could feel that Holtzmann certainly wasn't the stronger of the two of them today. She easily yanked the pipe out of Holtzmann's hands and threw the younger woman rather roughly across the room in one effortless motion.

Holtzmann winced as she rolled to a stop in the middle of the floor, at which point Abby looked up toward Patty, who looked conflicted between Abby and Holtzmann, probably trying to decide whether to go on the offensive or defensive. Should she go after Abby to stop her from causing any more harm, or go toward Holtzmann to make sure the smaller woman was okay. She was saying something, but Abby's ears felt like they were full of cotton.

"Hello, Patricia." Abby's voice didn't even sound like her own anymore as she felt her arm pull back and then swing forward as she hurled the pipe she'd been holding toward her older friend.

Inside, Abby felt tears in her throat as she watched Patty dodge the pipe. What if she hadn't managed to do that? She was frightened by the force with which she'd thrown that pipe. Whatever was in her mind wasn't just throwing things around to be a nuisance... She'd just tried to hit Patty... and if she hadn't missed, she'd have hit her hard. Really, really hard. Abby could have really hurt her...

But that fear wasn't gone yet. Abby's heart sunk as she felt herself turn to face Holtzmann, who was lying on the floor with her hand up against her head, clearly in pain from being literally thrown across the room.

She couldn't stop herself from walking toward her friend, bending down, and picking her up by the neck as Holtzmann grabbed at her hands and gasped. "Abby!"

Abby raised her arm up, dragging her young friend up off the floor with next to no effort. She held the smaller woman up off in the air as Holtz whimpered and stared down at Abby with wide, terrified eyes and grasped desperately at the arm holding her up.

She felt herself going toward the window, holding Holtzmann up easily with only one hand. The voice inside her head wanted to throw Hotlzmann out of the window, and Abby's heart hurt so bad knowing there was nothing she could do to stop whatever it was from doing just that. Why was this happening? What was in her mind making her do this? Why couldn't she fight through it? This was her body. Her mind, her hands... Why couldn't she just let Holtzmann go? She wanted to...

Holtzmann made a series of startled, pained whimpering noises as Abby's voice, but not her words, mocked her friend. "Look at the view." She joked as she slammed Holtz up against the window hard enough to break the glass.

Holtzmann's eyes were wide as she held desperately onto Abby's arm, obviously more afraid of falling than of continuing to be choked by the other woman.

"This is fun, right?" Abby's voice laughed as she held Holtzmann out of the now-broken window. Abby stared at her friend. She felt the other being's excitement as Holtzmann dangled precariously. Whoever or whatever it was inside Abby's mind was enjoying this.

Abby stared at Holtzmann through eyes controlled by someone else. Holtzmann stared back, her eyes shocked, fearful, even hurt as she let out a tiny whimpering noise and thrashed her legs in an obvious panic. Abby wanted to cry. She couldn't stop herself. She wasn't in control here, and she hoped Holtzmann didn't honestly believe it was Abby trying to throw her out the window. But why wouldn't she? It was Abby's hand wrapped cruelly around her throat. Abby had been the one to throw the smaller woman roughly to the floor. Why would Holtzmann assume it was anyone else?

In the few long seconds of time which passed as she held her friend by the neck, threatening to let her fall, Abby silently begged herself to stop... 'Please don't let go... Please pull her back in. Abby, please don't hurt Holtzy...' the increasingly weak part of her mind screamed at herself. But she had no control here. No amount of silent screams inside her head was going to do the trick. She couldn't even make the being possessing her body hesitate.

"Goodbye." Her voice said flatly as she let go.

Abby could hear Patty running up behind her and she could hear Holtzmann's terrified shriek as the younger woman began to fall. Abby didn't think the fall would kill her - but it would definitely hurt - probably break bones.

She felt Patty's hand on her arm, shoving her to the side in the same instant as the older woman reached her upper body out of the window and grabbed at Holtzmann's arms.

Abby felt enormous relief that Patty had been so quick. She'd grabbed Holtz within the same second Abby had dropped her. But no matter how happy she was that Patty had caught the younger woman, the being inside Abby's mind right now didn't share the feeling.

She felt herself jump across the room in a way that felt humanly impossible, gripping onto Patty and trying to pull her back. Obviously whoever was controlling Abby's body was attacking Patty in an effort to throw her off and cause her to drop Holtzmann, who was still danging dangerously out the window. For whatever reason, the being inside Abby's body really didn't like Holtzmann...

As Abby struggled with the woman, finding that fortunately Patty was a lot stronger than Holtzy, and was thus a more fair opponent, it dawned on Abby what was probably going on here, what being was occupying her mind, forcing her body to hurt the people she loved. It was Rowan... It had to be...

He'd killed himself... and now he was a ghost. Abby recalled that hazy memory of ectoplasm shooting up out of the sink... It wasn't a dream. It was real. Rowan's spirit was inside her, using her body to carry out his whims. That would explain why he knew everyone's names... It would explain why he wanted to hurt them - to stop them from foiling his plot. He knew Holtzmann was the brains behind the devices they used - he knew throwing her out the window - hurting or killing her - would grind their efforts to a halt.

Abby could feel her own awareness of the situation dissolving as Rowan's spirit fought harder for control. She could no longer fully hear what was going on around her as Rowan, in her body, continued fighting with Patty, grabbing at Holtzmann's hands, trying to pry them off of Patty's arm.

Patty was pretty strong - and Abby could feel Rowan's frustration as the taller woman did pretty well holding Abby back one-handed while her other hand was busy keeping Holtzmann from a very painful fall.

Abby's body kept fighting. She felt Rowan's conflicting emotions, anger, excitement, frustration, and amusement, all mixed up into that one moment. Her vision faded almost completely as she felt Rowan's energy strong inside her, staring at Patty, then at Holtzmann.

Abby's head felt like static and her ears popped as everything after become one big blur. The next thing she knew, she was on the floor, blinking back stars as Patty hovered over her. The older woman had clearly just hit Abby very hard across the face, and it seemed to have done the trick. Even so, Patty didn't seem sure of that fact. She reached her hand back and smacked Abby again, yelling something Abby couldn't focus on.

"Is that you, Abby? Where'd he go?" Patty breathed as she stared down at Abby while the younger woman held her hand against her stinging cheek.

Abby glanced to the side, where Holtzmann was lying breathlessly on the floor. She then looked back up toward Patty before all three of their attention was drawn toward the broken window, toward the sound of a motorcycle pulling up outside the building.

The three of them stood and flocked to the window, looking down in time to see Kevin dressed in one of their Ghostbuster's jumpsuits. He smirked up at them, looking very self-satisfied.

"Hey, guys, check it out!" He grinned, raising his arms up as though showing off. "Hey, listen. I figured you're gonna need my help, so I borrowed all this stuff. If you could just chuck me down my own proton pack, that'd be great."

Abby grimaced. Rowan's spirit was out there somewhere, nearby, ready to inhabit someone else... Kevin seemed like an ideal candidate. He was stronger than Abby. Rowan could probably do a lot of damage in Kevin's body.

"Kevin, come inside!" Abby yelled down to him. Kevin frowned. "Kevin! Come inside!" Abby screamed again, starting to feel desperate.

"I'm part of the team. I can help out. I'm not gonna get in your way." Kevin pouted. "I was born to be a Ghostbuster, all right? Nothing's gonna stop me!" Kevin was cut off when Rowan's spirit collided into him, knocking him off of his feet and onto the pavement below.

Abby's heart sunk. "Come on, Rowan, get out of him!" She pleaded. This was such a nightmare.

"Thanks for the upgrade." Rowan, in Kevin's body smirked, obviously pleased with his new (hopefully temporary) appearance.

"Rowan, you big bully!" Abby growled, wanting so much to go down there herself and smack the ghost out of Kevin. Rowan had been annoying up until today, but she couldn't claim to have hated him until now. Now, he was hurting her friends, something she couldn't forgive. Her hate for him at this point was exceptionally passionate.

Rowan ignored Abby as he glanced toward Kevin's motorcycle with obvious interest. "Hope this guy knows how to ride a motorcycle." He climbed onto it. "Oooh. He does." He quipped as he jumped onto the bike and rode off down the street.

"Oh... That's not good..." Patty spoke to Abby's side.

Abby glanced over at the woman, then to the other side at Holtzmann, who stared after Kevin with wide eyes, seemingly forgetting entirely the fact that Abby had just tried to throw her out of the second story of the building.

"Alright, let's go." Holtzmann breathed immediately, turning away from the window and heading toward their usual gear.

Patty followed her lead, rushing past faster with her much longer legs.

"Holtzy, wait." Abby called out, wanting to grab her friend to physically stop her, but also very reluctant to put her hands on the woman after what she had just done.

Holtzmann turned and looked over her shoulder with wide eyes and raised eyebrows. "Yeah?" She asked, seemingly completely fine with pretending Abby hadn't just tried to kill her. She didn't even look angry.

"You alright?" Abby breathed. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She didn't want Holtzmann to be upset or scared, but she also wanted the younger woman to know she was really sorry for what had just happened.

"Yeah." Holtzmann nodded quickly. "Are you?" She added with furrowed brows and a frown.

"Well, yeah..." Abby frowned. Why wouldn't she be? She wasn't the one who just got slammed through a window, nearly dropped two stories. She wasn't the one who had a pipe thrown at their head.

"Okay. Good." Holtz flashed a quick smile. "Let's go."

"Wait, Holtzy... We're not gonna talk about... uh... you know... what just happened?" Abby grimaced.

"Oh..." Holtzmann frowned and looked down. "Well, we really need to go... Kevin-"

"Holtzy... I just grabbed you by the throat and threw you out the window." Abby reminded her.

"I know." Holtzmann shrugged. "But it's okay. It wasn't really you."

Abby exhaled. Maybe a part of her wanted Holtzmann to be mad about this. Sure, Abby wasn't in control of her own body when she had attacked her friend... But they were her hands... It was Abby's hands wrapped around Holtzmann's throat, hauling her up off the ground, throwing her against glass and dangling her out the window. It was her mouth making jokes and laughing when she let go, when Holtzmann could have fallen multiple stories and gotten seriously hurt.

"It's alright, Abby." Holtzmann insisted, stepping forward and putting her hand carefully on Abby's shoulder.

Abby looked down at Holtzmann's hand, sticking her lip out in a pout. She'd just physically assaulted her friend, and Holtzy was the one comforting her about it? She glanced up toward her younger friend's face, noticing Holtzmann's eyes were wide. She looked sad - but Abby was pretty sure she wasn't sad for herself. She was sad for Abby.

"Holtzy..." Abby's voice shook slightly as she stared into her friend's eyes, then looked down toward her neck, where she could swear finger-shaped red marks were beginning to show. "I would have never done that-" Her voice caught in her throat.

"I know." Holtzmann offered a tight smile.

"But I did... I hurt you, and I'm really sorry. I don't know if I can forgive myself-" Abby started, no longer wanting to make eye contact with her overly-forgiving friend.

"You didn't, Abby. Rowan did. And now we need to go bust his ass. Alright?" She leaned down slightly to see Abby's eyes as the other woman was still looking down.

Abby exhaled. She knew Holtzmann was right - she was being logical here, as usual. Rowan's spirit was the villain here. Not Abby. She hadn't done any of that willingly.

"He hurt all three of us just now, Abby. He possessed your body without permission - made you do things you didn't want to do, choked and me tried to throw me out the window, attacked Patty... The only one we need to be pissed off at is him. So let's go get him." Holtzmann urged, squeezing both of Abby's arms in her hands.

Abby smiled and looked up at her friend. "Thanks, Holtzy." Abby pulled Holtz into a hug and smiled wider as she felt her friend's arms wrap around her as well.

"No problem, Abby." Holtzmann smiled too, pulling back out of the hug and hooking her arm through Abby's as she led her friend toward their uniforms and gear. "If you still wanna talk later, we can... But first, we've gotta get this done."

"Alright." Abby nodded. She wasn't sure they'd need to talk though. Maybe Holtzmann's quick, logic-based view of it was all that needed to be said. Rowan used Abby to hurt her friends, but her friends knew it wasn't Abby's fault. Abby knew too. Everyone was okay now. They just needed to get Rowan and call it done.

"You guys okay?" Patty asked as she shrugged into her proton pack. She was already dressed since she'd gotten a head start.

"Yeah." Abby breathed. "Are you? Sorry I threw a pipe at your face..."

Patty laughed. "I'm good. Don't you be feeling guilty over this. Rowan threw that pipe. I'll get him back for it."

Abby smiled again, zipping up her uniform and grabbing her proton pack. There was one thing left to do and they were ready to do it.

xxxxxx


End file.
